In My Darkest Hour
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Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Everyone,
I made an LJ community as a result of my bouts of insomnia/sleeplessness.
It's for those of you who are quite active during the night, whether the reasons range from skeletons in the closet, to defying natural bodily functions for the hell of it, and want to express some thought/impression/emotion/revelation/artwork/humor/irony/etc. during that darkened time of conception.
Please check out the user info and join if that describes you in any way.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif?v=92.1) nocturnalhabit
Spread the word to your friends if it tickles your fancy.
Merci beaucoup.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Please, just let this one thing work out the way I'd like it to.
Monday, November 28, 2005
4:04AM
It's 4:04 and there will be no sleeping tonight. I have to much work to do, and I know it's my fault for not doing any of it over Thanksgiving break. However, the flight not getting in till 2 AM was not my fault. I wonder if IB will buy that as an excuse? It's worth a shot...
Hope all of you are getting more sleep than I am.
Thursday, October 6, 2005
11:30PM
anybody ever have that feeling?
that feeling when you care so so much about somebody? and you're close with them, and you get along really well?
but at the same time, you really wish you'd never met?.. because they dont feel the same way about you?
yeah, I guess thats whats been keeping me awake recently.
this place seems to have slowed down a lot. People must be resting well, these days.
Sunday, September 4, 2005
it's not really that late, but i'm having trouble sleeping, mostly due to a nasty headcold.
that's all i have to say.
how is everyone else doing?
Sunday, August 28, 2005
2:12AM
Did you know that 7-Up used to have Lithium as one of its main ingredients? Weird. Then it got banned in the 50s. I love the Food Network. I just got threw cleaning, and I actually kind of enjoyed it. I always dreaded dusting and stuff. Now, this is going to be my peak time for doing so. Ok, that's all, now I have to go find something else to do. Good night/morning.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Sunday, August 21, 2005
5:05AM
I had just written a huge thing to post here. Ramblings, describing most of the things that bothered me and kept me awake until these early morning hours. Then I read back on them and realized how insignificant they sounded when there's tons of people everywhere with real problems to deal with. So I deleted it all, deciding that the crap I've got to deal with is just all in my head.
But I wanted to post something anyway, since I havent posted anything since my "hello, I'm new here" entry, and this place still doesnt have very much activity. So hello. I guess most of east-coast US will be waking up soon. I, however, am off to bed now.
Current mood: insignificant
"What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you wanted to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks?
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?"
Yup, that pretty much sums up everything.
12:33AM
Well. Isn't this fun.
I'm back in my joyful little cycle of repeatedly getting depressed and then coming out of it, being hopeful and thinking that there is purpose and support in my life, before diving headlong back into the sinking black pool.
I'm melodramatic, arent I. Hardcore angsty.
So, I have been TRYING to do things with my life lately, and not really getting anywhere for my efforts. The only thing I have accomplished lately is getting myself out of my HORRIBLE job, and getting other work. Great. Joy. My life can get back on track now.
Wow I really hate sounding like this. I'm sick of being moulded into the generic "depressed" category. Blurgh.
Anyway. I have been trying to figure out what I can do about things, and not getting anywhere. I keep resolving myself to changing even the things that I KNOW I can change, such as the things I know there won't be repercussions for. But they don't seem to be making a phenominal change in anything, so that means that the other shite that I cant/dont want to change, doesnt do anything either.
Except maybe get worse.
Also, just to top that off, whenever I go to try and vent about this stuff (you'll notice, at this point, how I've been somewhat vague about the things I want to/dont want to/cant change?) I can't do it. I will get to the point, where I'll do something like think of a line for a poem.. But damn if I can get anything else, cause as soon as I have paper/an open word document, my mind goes blank as if there was never a thought in there. Its like the best way to explain it, is that all I'm doing at the moment is feeling.. I can't get these feelings into words. And just maybe, that's a sign that I'm to deal with this all myself.
I just don't know if I can.
I don't like feeling like this.. And it's stupid that I am.
I could go on and on repeating this stuff. But even this much hasn't helped me. -sighs-
Current mood: pessimistic
Friday, August 12, 2005
12:31AM
I'm losing ground. I'm getting attacked from both sides here. This shit came from nowhere; I can't stop shaking. I got confronted by the side that I've ignored, and when I turned to my family for comfort, they/she said the same thing. "We miss you.""You can't keep shutting yourself out like this.""I don't even know who you are anymore." I'm slipping.
Wednesday, August 3, 2005
Hello everyone, my name is C-C, and I just joined a few minutes ago. I'm bored as hell and I'm sick of playing solitaire. I figured that I would find a place where I could talk to real people, instead of the usual ghosts and voices in my head. If you want to find out more about me, check out my user-info. But, other than that, I really can't think of what else to say. Valete, from your new sleepless friend.
"We’ll find the perfect place to go where we can run and hide
I’ll build a wall and we can keep them on the other side
But they keep waiting
And picking
It’s something I have to do
I was there, too
Before everything else
I was like you
I won’t let you fall apart"
Monday, July 25, 2005
1:22AM
Hi!
I just joined this community, and think it's a great idea. I don't have actual, clinical problems sleeping, so I'm not a *real* insomniac... it's more mental I guess. I try to postpone actually lying down in bed and going to sleep as long as possible because that's the point where I feel the worst; depressed and just really crushed. Recently it's even gotten so that it's affecting me physically. When I lie down and try to fall asleep I'll start feeling really off balance and sort of dizzy.
Usually I sleep in the same bed with my sister... she's not really my sister, she just lives with me and is probably the most important person in my life. Now she's gone for a month or so, and I can get to sleep even less.
The author Poppy Z Brite wrote something in her book Lost Souls that just totally rings true; "4 AM knows all your secrets". It sure does, and it stabs them into you without mercy.
I just wish I was one of those more evolved people who didn't have to sleep as much as normals. Even when I do get to sleep, I always have nightmares and wake up with a bad feeling.
I don't even feel like going out and hitting some bars or anything, because I *am* tired. I just hate sleeping -.-
Sorry for all the rambling, I hope the whole thing's not too whiny.
Cheers <3
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Hey, I'm new here and I figured I'd just post this to.. well, let you all know, I guess. I'm Adam, I'm 17, and I've always got crap on my mind, but it usually only comes to me late at night when there's nobody to tell it to. So I figured this would be a good place for that. Though usually, I wake up in the morning and go back to my livejournal, read what I wrote at like.. 3am maybe, and wonder why I said what I said, since I dont normally tell anybody anything.
Anyways, hello.
Monday, June 6, 2005
Saturday, January 8, 2005
11:53PM
God, I feel like I could cry right now. I've hit rock botten and I can't go anywhere.
I hate school, life, friends and everything. I've never felt this alone in my life.
My best guy friend is not too cool for me, and has to make fun of me whenever he has the chance. At school no one is into the things I am. I almost never have anyone to talk about my fave things. I cry alot at home. I feel like no one cares about me or my feelings. I just want to feel wanted.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
11:58AM
I think I'm pretty close to hitting bottom right now.
The girl thing didn't work out - that's no surprise, they never seem to. This one was extra-painful, though. I suppose that's my own fault for getting so attached even when I knew better.
My friends are acquaintances - they're great to hang out with, if they can spare the time, but they're sick of hearing me vent - and they ain't heard nothing yet.
I'm so entirely drained of motivation that I'm going days without leaving the house. And oh, the house. It's a wreck right now. I attempt to clean it, but I end up back in bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to music that certainly can't be helping.
I'm not sure I've ever felt this bleak before. Right now, I can categorically state that I am without hope.
So, how 'bout them red sox?
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
1:53AM
I haven't been up late for a while, but tonight i woke up to find my dog chewing up my favorite childhood toy. i cant get back to sleep now, so i've just been sitting around. wow, this is rather pointless. i'm just bored, and its nearly two in the morning, and i really can't sleep and i have nothing to do.
Sunday, May 30, 2004
...but sometimes, life happens.
Hope you're all doing well, and I want you all to still feel free to take this community out for a spin when you're up late and trying to cope. I've had a few of those nights of late, but have been way too busy to spend much time reflecting on them here. Perhaps I'll get to it soon.
While I can't guarantee that I'll be around when you message me, feel free to contact me on AIM (my screenname's in my LJ userinfo). I read everything people send me, and will get back to you when I see you on next.
Thursday, April 1, 2004
I decided to join because I am up in the middle of the night a lot. I like being up in the middle of the night, and I work at night part time.
I found out how to make my natural circadian rhythm pay off for me.
In fact, this is the suckiest week of my life in recent memory because I have spent so much time this week on a day schedule. Tomorrow I top the week with a lovely day of jury duty.
I'm older than the rest of you, and my motivations for being up are probably vastly different, but I am usually around in the dead of the night. I'm glad to make the rest of your aquaintances.
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