In My Darkest Hour
Sunday, December 18, 2016
8:46AM - Sunset.
Just to let anyone still watching this community after 10 years of dead silence know, I have posting and membership access turned off now. I still believe in the reason I created the community, and I hope it's been helpful for people, but I haven't been an active LiveJournal user in ages, I don't know how active any of the remaining members are, and for a lonely person to come here, post, and have it fall on deaf ears...well, that'd feel hypocritical to me, and possibly worse than them not having anywhere to turn at all.
If any of you are interested in continuing the work here, feel free to email me, and we'll talk about it.
Thanks for participating, and again, I hope this was helpful for people while it was active.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
1:27AM - This Might Interest You
I made an LJ community as a result of my bouts of insomnia/sleeplessness.
It's for those of you who are quite active during the night, whether the reasons range from skeletons in the closet, to defying natural bodily functions for the hell of it, and want to express some thought/impression/emotion/revelation/ar
Please check out the user info and join if that describes you in any way.
Spread the word to your friends if it tickles your fancy.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Please, just let this one thing work out the way I'd like it to.
Monday, November 28, 2005
It's 4:04 and there will be no sleeping tonight. I have to much work to do, and I know it's my fault for not doing any of it over Thanksgiving break. However, the flight not getting in till 2 AM was not my fault. I wonder if IB will buy that as an excuse? It's worth a shot...
Hope all of you are getting more sleep than I am.
Thursday, October 6, 2005
anybody ever have that feeling?
that feeling when you care so so much about somebody? and you're close with them, and you get along really well?
but at the same time, you really wish you'd never met?.. because they dont feel the same way about you?
yeah, I guess thats whats been keeping me awake recently.
this place seems to have slowed down a lot. People must be resting well, these days.
Sunday, September 4, 2005
1:53AM - there really is no subject
it's not really that late, but i'm having trouble sleeping, mostly due to a nasty headcold.
that's all i have to say.
how is everyone else doing?
Monday, August 22, 2005
1:47AM - just a ramble.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
I had just written a huge thing to post here. Ramblings, describing most of the things that bothered me and kept me awake until these early morning hours. Then I read back on them and realized how insignificant they sounded when there's tons of people everywhere with real problems to deal with. So I deleted it all, deciding that the crap I've got to deal with is just all in my head.
But I wanted to post something anyway, since I havent posted anything since my "hello, I'm new here" entry, and this place still doesnt have very much activity. So hello. I guess most of east-coast US will be waking up soon. I, however, am off to bed now.
Well. Isn't this fun.
I'm back in my joyful little cycle of repeatedly getting depressed and then coming out of it, being hopeful and thinking that there is purpose and support in my life, before diving headlong back into the sinking black pool.
I'm melodramatic, arent I. Hardcore angsty.
So, I have been TRYING to do things with my life lately, and not really getting anywhere for my efforts. The only thing I have accomplished lately is getting myself out of my HORRIBLE job, and getting other work. Great. Joy. My life can get back on track now.
Wow I really hate sounding like this. I'm sick of being moulded into the generic "depressed" category. Blurgh.
Anyway. I have been trying to figure out what I can do about things, and not getting anywhere. I keep resolving myself to changing even the things that I KNOW I can change, such as the things I know there won't be repercussions for. But they don't seem to be making a phenominal change in anything, so that means that the other shite that I cant/dont want to change, doesnt do anything either.
Except maybe get worse.
Also, just to top that off, whenever I go to try and vent about this stuff (you'll notice, at this point, how I've been somewhat vague about the things I want to/dont want to/cant change?) I can't do it. I will get to the point, where I'll do something like think of a line for a poem.. But damn if I can get anything else, cause as soon as I have paper/an open word document, my mind goes blank as if there was never a thought in there. Its like the best way to explain it, is that all I'm doing at the moment is feeling.. I can't get these feelings into words. And just maybe, that's a sign that I'm to deal with this all myself.
I just don't know if I can.
I don't like feeling like this.. And it's stupid that I am.
I could go on and on repeating this stuff. But even this much hasn't helped me. -sighs-
Monday, July 25, 2005
I just joined this community, and think it's a great idea. I don't have actual, clinical problems sleeping, so I'm not a *real* insomniac... it's more mental I guess. I try to postpone actually lying down in bed and going to sleep as long as possible because that's the point where I feel the worst; depressed and just really crushed. Recently it's even gotten so that it's affecting me physically. When I lie down and try to fall asleep I'll start feeling really off balance and sort of dizzy.
Usually I sleep in the same bed with my sister... she's not really my sister, she just lives with me and is probably the most important person in my life. Now she's gone for a month or so, and I can get to sleep even less.
The author Poppy Z Brite wrote something in her book Lost Souls that just totally rings true; "4 AM knows all your secrets". It sure does, and it stabs them into you without mercy.
I just wish I was one of those more evolved people who didn't have to sleep as much as normals. Even when I do get to sleep, I always have nightmares and wake up with a bad feeling.
I don't even feel like going out and hitting some bars or anything, because I *am* tired. I just hate sleeping -.-
Sorry for all the rambling, I hope the whole thing's not too whiny.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
1:02AM - just joined
Hey, I'm new here and I figured I'd just post this to.. well, let you all know, I guess. I'm Adam, I'm 17, and I've always got crap on my mind, but it usually only comes to me late at night when there's nobody to tell it to. So I figured this would be a good place for that. Though usually, I wake up in the morning and go back to my livejournal, read what I wrote at like.. 3am maybe, and wonder why I said what I said, since I dont normally tell anybody anything.
Monday, June 6, 2005
Hey everyone... My name's Jess. I'm new (and like I to point out the obvious)...
( If I could change I would, Take back the pain, I would, Retrace all the moves that I made I would...Collapse )
Look forward to meeting you all, and lending an ear, a shoulder, and any advice, so dont be afraid, I don't bite (o:
Saturday, January 8, 2005
God, I feel like I could cry right now. I've hit rock botten and I can't go anywhere. I hate school, life, friends and everything. I've never felt this alone in my life. My best guy friend is not too cool for me, and has to make fun of me whenever he has the chance. At school no one is into the things I am. I almost never have anyone to talk about my fave things. I cry alot at home. I feel like no one cares about me or my feelings. I just want to feel wanted.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
I think I'm pretty close to hitting bottom right now.
The girl thing didn't work out - that's no surprise, they never seem to. This one was extra-painful, though. I suppose that's my own fault for getting so attached even when I knew better.
My friends are acquaintances - they're great to hang out with, if they can spare the time, but they're sick of hearing me vent - and they ain't heard nothing yet.
I'm so entirely drained of motivation that I'm going days without leaving the house. And oh, the house. It's a wreck right now. I attempt to clean it, but I end up back in bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to music that certainly can't be helping.
I'm not sure I've ever felt this bleak before. Right now, I can categorically state that I am without hope.
So, how 'bout them red sox?
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
I haven't been up late for a while, but tonight i woke up to find my dog chewing up my favorite childhood toy. i cant get back to sleep now, so i've just been sitting around. wow, this is rather pointless. i'm just bored, and its nearly two in the morning, and i really can't sleep and i have nothing to do.
Sunday, May 30, 2004
...but sometimes, life happens.
Hope you're all doing well, and I want you all to still feel free to take this community out for a spin when you're up late and trying to cope. I've had a few of those nights of late, but have been way too busy to spend much time reflecting on them here. Perhaps I'll get to it soon.
While I can't guarantee that I'll be around when you message me, feel free to contact me on AIM (my screenname's in my LJ userinfo). I read everything people send me, and will get back to you when I see you on next.
Thursday, April 1, 2004
9:40PM - Decided to join...
I decided to join because I am up in the middle of the night a lot. I like being up in the middle of the night, and I work at night part time.
I found out how to make my natural circadian rhythm pay off for me.
In fact, this is the suckiest week of my life in recent memory because I have spent so much time this week on a day schedule. Tomorrow I top the week with a lovely day of jury duty.
I'm older than the rest of you, and my motivations for being up are probably vastly different, but I am usually around in the dead of the night. I'm glad to make the rest of your aquaintances.
Thursday, February 26, 2004
11:14PM - awake
well, i am awake. it isn't very late, only 1115. i am so full of feelings! some days i just dislike being a girl immensely! i kinda wanna get high, but noone does any drugs in this god-forsaken town. so i am drinking, laf, like that is anything new. i was gonna vote for howard dean for president but now that he isn't gonna make it all the way, i have to have a second choice!! i was thinking john kerry, but he supports stupid fucking george w in this anti-gay marriage bullshit!! fine, don't let them marry, just let them be able to get insurance, and all the legal stuff!! that is mainly what it is about, getting equal and fair treatment. oh yeah, happy lent for those who participate.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
um, i havent posted here yet, but my name's heather. im 22. i droped out of college and im usualy sick and unemployed. usually awake during the night and asleep during the day. i sometimes find craft projects to work on or a book to read or something, but im really just wasting time until my life picks up or i find a convenient way/time to kill myself.
so what do y'all do when your up late and no one's around and theres nothing to do? im usualy online while im semi watching leno and conan or listening to music or something. ive got about 5 books im alternating between, and a couple websites i check frequently. what are some websites that you go to that are entertaining and waste alot of time?
my things i do online to waste time:
*update my journal
*check my friends list 50 times
*check my email 50 times
*clean out my friends list
*see if songmeanings.net is up yet
*see if anyone signed my guestbook
*check want ads/ update/submit my resume
god im bored.
Monday, February 9, 2004
10:28PM - blerg
it isn't very late, but i have the house to myself in a way. msn messenger is down and i had to log onto the main site to check my email, not that difficult, but still. i have stopped taking my med's and am doing rather well. very proud of myself actually. i hosted a sleep-over-it was just the 2 girls-but without my dope!! i am really hopeful that since i have stopped and gotten over-i think-the drugs in my system that i can trudge thru the rest of my life with out having to take a pill every day to be normal. i shaved my legs today too!! that was a little celebration for myself and i don't expect anyone else to care or understand other than i have pretty long legs and it takes damn near an hour to shave 'em.
i read To Kill a Mockingbird and i have to say it has to be one of the greatest books i have ever read. i missed it in high school, somehow, along with what i am sure will be other great books that i am now going to read. if my little pissant libary has. i may have to go into the city to get the real good ones, but maybe my library will just have the books bussed over for me to read if i ask real nice. altho i lost my library card and have to get a new one. it isn't the whole dollar i will have to pay to get a new one, it is the indignity of loosing what is one of the greatest things in my life that hurts me.
well, my drink is finished and i must get a new one. good night all!
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