jezmellz (jezmellz) wrote in inmydarkesthour,

Hey everyone... My name's Jess. I'm new (and like I to point out the obvious)...

I find my emotions and moods spin out all oner the place. Sometimes I'll almost feel 'bipolar' (not truely so) - feel insanely upset/anxious over something, and a varying amount of time later, feel completely sedated/numb about it. Totally weird, and can't say I have truly admitted it to anybody.

Awhile back I used to write poetry, or try and express things in a straightforward letter type thing. Now if I try to do that, I come to a halt, the words just dry up. Like the thoughts were never there, just the empty, echoing, haunting feeling.

I often get myself worked up for no reason. My boyfriend lives in Canada, I live in Australia (he was recently down here for three months) and I stress myself stupid over things that I know aren't true, but then if I go to tell him, I can't cause I know that my thoughts are just stupid and I don't want to harass him (Gotta wonder how he's stuck by me sometimes). And yet I know that I;m not harassing him because he wants to help when I'm upset. Much of a vicious circle?

Currently I am in my second year of university, doing a degree that I loved last year and detest this year. Consequently my studies have suffered and this semester is a total write off. I am going to suspend my studies, but don't know what I am going to do. I need to change my degree, but the only things I want to do are things I can't do.
Lately I feel the need for as much independance as I can get - I want to get out of Australia, but recently rescued a dog from the poubd so I cant leave him. He needs lots of training and I feel like I have failed him for not letting him go to a better home (i am not being cruel to him, but there is always someone better than me out there)

Anyway I think that is more than enough from me, especially typing one handed. I recently fractured my left wrist in 2 places as I was thrown from a "quiet" horse.

Look forward to meeting you all, and lending an ear, a shoulder, and any advice, so dont be afraid, I don't bite (o:
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