Adam (severeboredom) wrote in inmydarkesthour,
Adam
severeboredom
inmydarkesthour

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just a ramble.



Ok, so it's late, and my mind has been wandering. Wandering to the subject of certain issues that I have or things that my thoughts have been long-lingering on. One of these things is, naturally, a girl. My best friend, actually, for a good two years now. I've been thinking about how I'd also had a girlfriend for these same two years (up until a couple months ago). The trouble is, I had a "secret" crush on my best friend (I put 'secret' in quotations because she knew about it and, apparently, everybody else knew about it too. I guess I am Captain Obvious when it comes to that sort of thing). Ultimately, it led to the demise of my relationship with my girlfriend. But all that stuff isnt so important.

What has been in the forfront of my thoughts is this. My best friend moved away about a month ago. I havent heard a word from her in this same length of time. She's kinda my only real friend, and even though my ex-girlfriend and I are still on good terms, she's always too busy talking to the new guy in her life. So, the point (which I probably could've gotten to right away) is that I've been feeling very lonely and isolated this summer. And I will no doubt be feeling this same way all through the following school year (and seeing as how it's my senior year, there will be a heap of academic stress to pile on top of my already troubled self). I'm not exactly much of a social person, and when I attempt, it fails (carrying a conversation has always been a weak point) and so I dont really have anybody that I can go to.

As a result, I've spent nearly every bit of my free time trying to distract myself from the current 'nothingness' in my life, by watching countless amounts of TV-on-DVD. This has left me with a sense of just how boring my life is. I wake up at noon, watch television until dinner (on the days that I dont have to go to work), and stare at this computer screen until about 5am, hoping that maybe I'll hear that magic AIM beep, signalling that one of the two before-mentioned girls has decided that they want to talk to me.

I kinda lost track of where I was going with this, and what I've said so far. It's 2:09 right now and I only got 4 hours of sleep last night/this morning. The fact that I dont write very well (organizing thoughts and incomplete sentences), coupled with the fact that I'm too tired to think straight, probably means that I made little sense. Hell, maybe I did. I'll read it in the morning and see. My head hurts.

goodnight (though, I'll probably force myself to stay up a couple more hours, for no reason at all)

Also, this is kinda of random, but I'll convince myself that it's related:
I really cant stand music elitists. Apparently, if more than 3 people have heard of it, then it must suck.
right. stuck up losers.


'night
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